1) Payback
The Cardinals won an astounding 105 regular season games in 2004 but lost the World Series to the Red Sox in a four game sweep. It was an embarrassing episode in franchise history and it's time for payback.
2) Red Sox have the most insufferable whiny fans in baseball.
The one bright side to the Cardinals losing in 2004 is that it put an end to the nonstop bitching from Red Sox fans about their World Series curse and losing streak. They didn't even have the longest drought in baseball (the Cubs do), but you wouldn't know it by how proudly they wore that losing streak on their sleeve. They even had to make movies about it because moaning on every sports program and TV talk show wasn't enough. OK, you can come down from the cross now, and after all that public bellyaching, your team deserves to never win the Series again. Ever. Call it the Curse of the Gripino. And you know what? Everyone in the American League hates losing to the Yankees so give that a rest too.
I give Cubs fans credit for accepting their crappy team, saying "there's always next year," and still enjoying games in the best historic stadium in baseball. William Jennings Bryan was a candidate for President last time the Cubs won the World Series but they still don't subject everyone to a national media campaign about their crybaby losers' complex.
3) Jon Jay
You have to respect a man talented enough to be first Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and then go on to have major league baseball career. He's getting criticized for some post-season mistakes but he's a solid player for the Cards. Plus, I never grow tired of amusing myself and annoying others with dorky historical references about his game performance like, "that was a bigger hit than federalist paper #5!"
4) They arrogantly call themselves "The" Sox when they're not even the coolest Sox in baseball.
5) Albert Pujols
The Cardinals have a stellar, well-rounded roster that doesn't rely on one or two star players. That's why they keep winning. Pujols can spend October dreaming about the World Series while he sleeps on a mattress stuffed with money.
6) No one is buying your bullshit accent, Boston.
I can believe a small number of working class Bostonians have a unique accent, but when the zombie apocalypse comes, I bet most city residents shout "I'm darting to my car across the park!" just the same way everybody else does because they'll be so panicked they forget to use that contrived affectation of an accent. It's a sad attempt to gain authenticity and street cred, like a suburban teenage white girl flashing a gang sign in her selfie. You're not in a movie with Ben Affleck or Matt Damon so STFU.*
*Despite the tone of this blog, I don't actually hate Boston and its people, but what good is your team getting to the World Series if you can't trash talk the other team? Enjoy the Series, Boston! :)